Friday, June 01, 2007
an announcement.....
I would like to make an announcement....IM ENGAGED!!!!!!....haaaaa finally gitu....i mean i finally reached this stage...finally strong enough to actually take this step...its a bloody huge deal for me..helluva big step for me..though yeah some has commented that its a little too soon to take the plunge with him..some mentioned that i should actually get to know him more first...find out his true intentions...wait for his true colours to shine through...i agree with all of ya...but at the same time i do have my reasons... im fully aware of my negative-ness (for lack of a better word)...im aware that in stressful situations i would rather run...freeze, fight or flight...more often than not i chose flight...and im fully aware that if i were to look for true colours, i would not like everything that i see...there will always be someone better out there...if you are looking for it...i dun want to get to that stage...i dun want to get to the stage where im tempted to run...dun want to get to the stage where things just go bad and that i cant be bothered to work things out anymore...so let's just take the all-important step towards this at the point where i really feel i love him....on the day where the two families met for the first time, i was jittery and had major butterflies in my stomach...my darling brother said to me, you should be more nervous about what lies ahead after tonite...the challenges that you are definitely going to face...and boy is he right....challenges can come in any shapes and sizes and forms ehh...for me it came in the form of the past haunting me...as i lay on my bed admiring the bling i had just received earlier that nite, my phone beeped...received an unexpected message that nite...the conversation we had totally threw me off-balance...it was pwince...he never left my life of cos...always there but ive managed to move away far enough to have the chance to fall in love with someone else... but he came back with a vengence that nite...suddenly saying that he missed me...that he cant just put me out of his mind...that he still loves me...that he still wants me...that he is upset that he cant have me...that he is angry with ian for taking me away from him...that he does not want to lose me...that he cant afford to lose me........im not sure how to react to all that...like i said, it really threw me off-balance....but at the same time, im grounded enough to be fully aware of how i feel...yes i loved him...yes i still love him...but my heart belongs to someone else now...he can never get back what he had previously...im not willing to give up what i have now...the next day another message came in....from the person across the straits....saying he misses me....ajak me go holiday with him to my uncle's house in batam....he has been asking for some time...i keep saying im busy...i do not understand why in the bloody world he doesnt give up...someone said..let him be..the higher he goes, the harder he falls...oh well...i cant control how he feels or how he reacts to things...to end things off, i guess this is just a taste of the future challenges that im gonna face in the next year....it will come...it will come slowly...it will come at you fast...whatever it is, it will still come...i just have to be ready for it...
Darnisha â¥
12:31 PM
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