Saturday, December 30, 2006
pls remind me
everything and everyone around me carries little triggers of that person..a single word, a line in the song, a familiar shirt, scent, anything and everything can send me on a downward spiral...
i thank my frens who were there to give me the support...thanks a million guys...you noe how much i need you to be ard..even with u ard, i still have the triggers and its hard enough to bring myself up...cant imagine if i was alone...Thanks for bringing me out...for wanting to cheer me up...for getting me almost drunk :) with the yummy margaritas and of cos the quite dusgusting vodka lime at Pump Room....well all done in the effort to be there for me... wat i would do without you guys...
i did have a good time last night..just as i did last week at St James....(St James truly rawksss).....lots of nonsensical fun..am so looking forward to our trip overseas to sunny island SENTOSA!!!!...whoaa...some people gonna get so drunk then too....hehehe what with the boozing dats gonna happen....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
anyways, i haf to apologise for leaving early last night..a fren said wah lauu zouk out you had curfew, last week at st james no curfew but u left early...and i had to leave early again this week... well many many reasons...one of which is the fact that im WORKING the next day...the other is i was heading for a major meltdown and i couldnt take it anymore.. tho we were at pump room and not st james, the feeling of being at such an establishment is the same...i noe that person works at St James and all..but honestly being in the place reminds me so much of that person...control control for an hour or so.. then cannot tahan oredi... major meltdown in the cab back home..
was a good thing that a fren was ard to lend a little support...yah i dragged her home and cried on her shoulders...like really cried...so much and so hard... she asked me later "u together for one and a half years and you cried so hard ah?" .. well i guess its not the length of the relationship dat matters but the depth of the emotions.... yah i noe its hard...but u gotta snap out of it..u gotta get over it... i noe all that i said...but its just so bloody hard...and it hurts sooo bad....
i will not let the emotion control me and overcome me....but at the same time i will not ignore it...ignoring anything has never been fruitful....
the triggers are harder to ignore....once in a while it creeps into my consciousness and will just demand attention in a way that a spoilt child would demand attention.... it really is harder to ignore... harder to forget...
whatever it is, i still have friends around me who loves me and appreciates me for the person that i am.... sweet memories i will treasure... painful ones will be a constant reminder.....
Darnisha â¥
10:35 AM
link to post
0 comments
Friday, December 29, 2006
its finally over
and it hurts like hell.........
the thing that has been going around and around for the past few months..should i end it should i not...the event has finally came to pass...its over... i do not know if i should be feeling relief since im now free....but wat i know for sure is that i feel like my heart's been ripped apart... torn to pieces... "don't be in a relationship if you cant handle the pain" dats wat he said to me.. he's right to a certain extent.... i can handle the pain...but just give me time...
giving him all the credit, it ended rather amicably. we are still friends..he vowed to be the best buddies...said that we were better as buddies...how long more you want to go on with this he said...i cant expect you to give the commitment when im not able to do the same..i cant give you wat you need... sometimes you cant always get what you want..the longer we prolong this relationship the harder it would be..it has to end..sooner or later..so why drag it on...its better this way...physically together without the commitment...i dont belong to you and you dont belong to me...
my heart hurts...i mean it physically hurts...stabbing pain...
my head hurts...spinning and spinning...
my eyes hurts...from all the crying...
yeah it did end well...dat was after the screaming, the yelling, the crying (on my part)...but it did end....wat hurts most was that the love is gone on his part...he couldnt even say he loves me..he said he does but he would rather not say...said that wat matters most is whats in the heart...
so there...goodbye 2006...hello 2007...may the coming year be a better one...cos this year sure is shit....
Darnisha â¥
9:50 AM
link to post
0 comments
Friday, December 22, 2006
end of the year
its the end of the year...goodbye 2006 hellooo 2007
would this year be the start of a better year for me?.. well this year hasnt been dat good..though there are times where i am happy......i guess that is life, isnt it..ups and downs..
wat do i hope for next year? just for things to settle down...for everything to settle down..not be soo topsy-turvy...upside down inside out...
Darnisha â¥
4:45 PM
link to post
0 comments
Sunday, December 17, 2006
SUCCESS!!!!!!
im so proud of myself. I DID IT!!!!!..... for those who are wondering, i have been stressed out of my mind for the last few days, weeks...erm i think months since i was put in charge of PROGRAMMES at my company carnival..its over now...and it was a success...someone said to me "darnisha, the event is successful because of the programmes" .... everyone stayed till the end..people were sitting down and enjoying the line-up. Though there were not many stars or celebrities, but those who performed are stars in their own right. Our MCs were great; morning and afternoon...im glad it was over..im glad it was a success...months of sleepless nights worrying that i will fall flat on my face..months of agony fighting with the chairman over certain decisions... I PROVED TO HER!!.. IN YOUR FACE....someone said to me "we were worried about programmes but programmes did well and vendors and stalls did not do so well" ...dats not my department..dats not my part...however, i will have to add a disclaimer...none of this would have happened if i did not have a such a supporting team behind me in my sub-committee...they were always cheering me on even though i have been on the verge of throwing in the towel so many times..honestly, without them, i wouldnt know if this is possible. Also to my stage assistants, i would like to thank them so much for making the event so much fun. They filled the day with laughter. whenever they see me not smiling, they would ask if im ok. They joked around such that the tenseness disappear. and my god are they capable people.. i actually felt that i could leave things in their hands and they could have done just as good as job as me. working with the morning mc was like a dream..i tell u why..i grew up on aksi mat yoyo..and he was the host of the show back then...he was my Idol.. :) being able to liaise with him before the event, already had me mesmerised. Truly he is a very nice and caring person. Being able to work with him during the first half of the event is another dream come true.. i sound like im in love.... but he's married so hands off darnisha... but yeah, he made it easier for me..agreeing with me most counts, giving in to my incessant demands,...always checking if im ok.. haizzzz........ enough of that, to end things off, i was happy ...and satisfied...that all our hardwork ended in a roaring success....kudos to my team...kudos to my assistants on the day..kudos to all the performers...
Darnisha â¥
10:55 AM
link to post
0 comments
Thursday, December 14, 2006
the weather made it worse
im feeling blue...and the weather made it worse..much much worse..the depressing grey..the teardrops from the sky..coldness enveloping my entire beingi miss dat person....miss him so bloody much..Something is different...i can sense it..and i fear that change..Something has changed between us...and the weather made it worse..much much worse
Darnisha â¥
9:57 AM
link to post
0 comments
Friday, December 08, 2006
a promise.....
a promise to myself...
i will not call and bother you...
i will not message and disturb you...
i shall not be a nuisance in your life...
a pest that you will be more than happy to be rid of..
no matter how much i need you
no matter how badly i crave your presence
no matter how dire my need to see you
i shall refrain
God give me the strength
the strength to carry out my new resolution
It is not going to be easy for me
neither will it be easy for you..
this is a promise
Darnisha â¥
6:32 PM
link to post
0 comments
Selalu by Fauzie Laily
Memang benar ku mengaku
Masa ku selalu dicuri tugasan
Hinggakan adakalanya kau terpaksa
Menunggu diriku disitu
Jangan pula kau menyangka
ku tak ambil kisah kerna kau perlu tahu
Meskipun jarak memisah
Kau tetap hadir di hatiku selalu
Selalu namamu dilaung
Dalam sanubari yang merindu belaian kasih
Dan ku berdebar, tak sabar menanti
Saat tuk kembali bersama disisi
Hingga tiba waktu itu,
Tak usah kau pilu
Dan ingatlah selalu
Dalam kesibukan hidup
Wajahmu terbayang di mataku selalu
Selalu namamu dilaung
Dalam sanubari yang merindu belaian kasih
Dan ku berdebar, tak sabar menanti
Saat tuk kembali bersama disisi
Tiada khabar tak beerti
Ku pencilkan diri
Cuma tak berkesempetan
Meluahkan perasaan
Cintamu ku agungkan
Sayang ku selalu
Darnisha â¥
6:26 PM
link to post
0 comments
Saturday, December 02, 2006
feels like.....
gosh.....feels like i need a drink...really bad...
honestly dunno why...
aniways... my mind's going crazy...boss giving me this new project..feels like i need to prove myself rather than fall flat on my face..but i feel so fearful...cos its such a big project..
however, i would like to say thank you for the opportunity to prove my worth...
on another note, someone contacted me after a while..asking for some money...apparently need it for baby food and stuff...i offered to accompany to purchase the stuff and pay for the purchases...however she flatly refused..i doubt and im of the opinion that my fren has just duped me..im not sure i like being in this position...the thing is im not rich..
i do not have money to be thrown around..
Darnisha â¥
12:22 PM
link to post
0 comments
