Thursday, June 22, 2006
back.. for good...
Haiz....
life at times is shit... really shitty... cant handle the ups and downs... feel like leaving it all behind sometimes... but hey who the hell am i kidding.. im aint ready for the next life yet... one thing for sure... pwince is back in my life... but is it for the better.. im not quite sure... honestly.. i dun even noe what the hell is wrong with me... pwince came back.. and im wishing he didnt... wat the hell... im one crazy bitch... have no god-damn clue what in the effing world is wrong with me... disappointment engulfed my heart.. tho not able to relate it to anyone... hurt and fear overpowering me...love is nowhere to be found...calmness is a thing of the past... still unable to sleep.. lie wide awake evry nite.. and it had nothing to do with football or soccer... just cant sleep.. tho not wide awake enuf to do anything but to lie helplessly on the stupid bed.... mind awandering all the time.. not thinking abt anything in particularly but at the same time thinking of so many things that i cant even remember what in the world i was thinking about... life is just shit
Darnisha â¥
1:51 PM
link to post
0 comments
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
its not over
*
sigh* * sigh*.... my baby finally messaged me today...after three days of silence.. well technically not three days considering the fact that i cheated and called baby yesterday... but felt relieved that the silence is over.. tho i noe that the worse is not over.. i have the strange feeling that baby still feel the hurt from my actions... and i think that B is just forcing itself to message me... whatever it is i hope to take things one at a time and not push B too far and totaly lose it for good... cant be complacent tho... this episode is really far from over.. and i will not rest till the moment i can hug b agn..in any case, i will do my best not to repeat my stupidity again... ah well... thats easier said than done.. considering my bimboness... considering my idiocy...this might happen again.. but when it happens.. i guess i must be prepared to let go... no matter how hard it may be.. i must let go... anyway..went out with some frens yesterday... had a good laugh... they were all trying to matchmake me with some guy... they dunno about my pwince... some 29-yr old guy who works in an oil-rig as a diver... apparently he is a good catch... earning big-bucks and all... potential to earn bigger bucks... good-looking and all... wat went thru my mind is if he is tat eligible why is he not taken as yet... scepticism seeps through my entire being.. my frens were excited at the prospect of me and him meeting and all but i just cant get into that mode.. dunno y... just felt that something is not right... of cos you idiot... the whole time you were thinking of your baby... *sigh*... too bad guys.. have to pass on that for the time being i guess...heavy burden lifted off my shoulders.....
Darnisha â¥
6:32 PM
link to post
0 comments
Monday, June 12, 2006
i need you.....
Had a big big argument with someone a few days ago.. said certain things which i shouldnt have said.. was too angry to even stop and think about the repercussions.. and im living the consequences now... i noe i hurt him badly... i noe its something that my pwince cant easily forgive me for...granted i deserve this treatment that im getting.. pwince asked me to stay away from him for a few days.. he said he will be back.. he still loves me and needs me in his life.. but at the moment he just needs to be alone... i find it difficult to just lay off and give him the space.. keep feeling like im gonna lose my pwince for good.. that pwince is not coming back.. he said "if you think that way, i cant help you.. it shows that you do not trust me, you do not have faith in me"...is that true?.. im not sure.. is it cos i don trust and have no faith or is it cos im just afraid of losing the person i love?
im not proud of myself.. did a lot of self-reflection.. thought about a lot of things... mebe the break might do us some good..pwince promised that things will be better after this.. i miss pwince sooo much.. i cant believe how much strength it takes to not pick up the phone and call.. i cant believe how much strength to stop y ourself from sending the messages late at night or early in the morning.. knowing that he is awake watching television...feeling tired.. restraining myself all the time like this takes a lot of energy.. a lot of effort..
pwince wants time on his own.. said "please, please just give me this time to recover from this"..i hope the recovery time does not take too long.. cos i miss my pwince soo bloody much i cant believe how hollow i feel rite now.. i cant believe how much pwince means to me til the moment he asked me to go...
please my dear.. please come back...im really sorry.. i need you sayang.. i need you in my life.. i love you with all of my heart..and im losing it here....im losing my mind with you not ard me...
Please COME BACK!!!!
Darnisha â¥
5:44 PM
link to post
0 comments
Saturday, June 03, 2006
things happen
checked into friendster just now and was drawn to this particular blog entry...the earthquake that happened at yogya...killing 5000+ people.. and the writer of the blog was so affected by it that he actually cried in the middle of a typical working day... he had many comments from the entry.. most of which saying that they identify with the feeling and they too feel the sadness and sympathy for the victims...and that its a natural feeling.. natural humanistic feeling..... there was a comment that went something like padan muka they are cursed for all the killings that they have done....that they get their just rewards... my thoughts.... all those people who commented are hypocrites... yeah i do sympathise with the victims and their families...in reality.. thats all.. i feel sad it happened to them.. but at the same time, its God's will. cant really go against it don u think.. but face it lah.. we only can feel sad and sympathy... life goes on as usual... we still get up and go to work... we still bitch abt our bosses.. or low paycheck.. or the weather.. or the traffic.. or the people.. or the crowd... we still go eat at restaurants... filling our tummy with good food with no regard to the people who are facing hunger... my point is... out of the 4 million people in singapore, how many percentage of us actually do something about it.. actually get up and do something different about our lives.. we always say after every disaster that we are lucky to be in singapore.. that we shouldnt be so selfish anymore.. but given a sum of money and the chance to migrate to another country say australia, would you take it?.. i would.. im not saying im good and all ya people are bad.. but we are a selfish bunch of people...fact is the sadness only remains as long as the news remain in the newspapers and the daily news broadcast.. after that what do we remember of it?.. wat happened to the victims of hurricane katrina? the tsunami victims at thailand, at aceh.. we forget abt them.. except those few people in mercy relief and other organisations.. well.. fact is.. we cant do anything about it... we revel in our comfortable life here... don pretend that it affected us so much.. cos it didnt.. if it really did, we would have done something.. quit our jobs join mercy relief... but we still not willing to give up the comforts of our lives.. we only say we feel sad cos if not we would be labelled unfeeling... and sure we cant let that happen...
Darnisha â¥
11:57 AM
link to post
0 comments
Thursday, June 01, 2006
life goes on
and on and on and on......
haaa... crapsters... anihooo... lack of inspirations for writings on the wall...
now i have...hehe i just got back from my cousin's wedding in segamat malaysia.. yeah tats rite.. segamat... drove there and as usual got lost... but was found..didnt have the map to guide us.. only our instincts and our excellent sense of direction.. it was an experience indeed... i learnt something about my darn family... i would rather not call them family... i don mean my immediate family.. i mean my extended one... i dun understand them.. will never understand them.. will never want to understand theem... for one, i cant stand being anywhere near them.. i cant stand them.. mebe they cant stand me either from the looks of them.. i mean i have never done anything to them.. but time and time again they treated me and my family like pond scum.. rather they treat everyone like pond scum... but expect everyone to treat them like royalty.. i mean yeah we are all from singapore.. and they are from a remote place in johore malaysia... so does that mean that they have to drop everything and wait on YOU PEOPLE hand and foot.. puhleasse laahhh... you are not that great.. and they are not that bad.. for one education wise most of them are graduates and holding rather high posts.. unlike you people... so please sedarlah diri sikit...
cant stand it.. cant stand people who look down on others and do not reflect on themselves... euyuch...
aniways... talking about the malaysian family.. hehehe.. they have all grown up indeed... to fine young men and ladies.. me and my sis were ogling..hehehe... it kinda got me thinking... they are rather far relatives isnt it?...hehehe... lots of things went through my mind... hehehe.. i shall not share them all...
Darnisha â¥
9:40 PM
link to post
0 comments
