Monday, July 30, 2007
the day is coming soon
the day that i have been dreading is coming real soon....its like gonna be here in a few days...as it comes closer, the more i try to convince myself that i do not need the surgery...that the doctor made a mistake...that they did not find anything growing in my body dats not supposed to be there...the fear creeps in ever-slowly...but its there alright...went for my pre-op screening a few days ago....as i sat thru the doctor poking around trying to find the vein to draw blood for the tests and the other doctor asking medical history and stuff, my head was like..."shit, this is for real."....as i sat waiting outside with mother, i told her that it doesnt make sense going for surgery when i am not in pain. Honestly im not in pain except sometimes...even then i have been living with the pain for so long that it doesnt bother me much...except that i cant even walk when the pain is like severe...then it was the financial counselling where the lady tells us how much it would cost and all dat...the surgery is gonna cost close to $5K...bloody waste of money..heheee...yahh im still trying o convince myself that i dun need it...he gives me so much support and encouragement for me to face this...tells me that it wouldnt hurt...that he will be there when i go under and that he will be there when i wake up...tells me "its just key-hole surgery, sayang. a small thing."...tells me that he has gone for such surgery before...but hey, it still doesnt dispel the fears....i am still dreading the day.....
Darnisha â¥
2:47 PM
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